My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
