cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
