No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
