Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
