I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
