i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
