I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
