Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
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