You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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