Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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