What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
