I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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