i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
