he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
