I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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