is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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