Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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