I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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