but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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