I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
