Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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