walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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