You smell like a Billy Joel song
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
