Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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