I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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