Don't you send me to vm
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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