it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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