He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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