His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
