Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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