you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
