I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
