your parents love me but you hate me
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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