That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
