Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
