I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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