Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
