Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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