i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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