He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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