his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The beer is more important than you right now.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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