Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
