...so i touched it.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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