I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
