Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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