just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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