Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
