I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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