Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
