So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
