Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
