if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
