I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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