i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
