Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
