im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
