You're completely useless in the revolution.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
