Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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