you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
